I had been preparing a post about my approach to BDSM in subtle, but logical and semantic terms, however this morning prompted some actions forthwith. Having to wake up at the ass crack of dawn’s ass crack, enables one to have a fair amount of time to be like Winnie the Pooh and tap our noggins and “think, think, think.”
On this particular morning, a few “somethings” had slipped into my mind and rattled around for a bit. One I will save for a later date and further scrutiny. The other I wanted to think about on here.
Over the time frame that is the sum of experiences a BDSM practitioner, or “kinkster” if you will, would have, there are bound to be certain patterns, rituals, habits, customs, and many other myriad of descriptive words for ways in which that person can find comfort in doing something. One of these potentially descriptive words is “method.” One could be described as having a method to their madness. A certain approach to things. However, we have to keep careful mind of what this method is being applied to.
I come to this point thinking of different actions. An artfully wielded flogger may be flung methodically to cover a willing subbie’s supple body. Wax droplets can be spread over more surface area without overlap if some marked methodology is followed. Shit, even potatoes can be peeled quicker and more effectively if particular patterns and specific equipment used in the method put into the preparation practice.
Any BDSM dynamic, is just that… dynamic. They are living breathing things. Whether involving just two people in a monogamous relationship, or twenty people in a polyphilic pronouncement of love and pleasure. They may have a set standards and stipulated circumstances. Or they can be as loosey-goosey as a Woodstock audience member. However, both these kinds, as well as all the delicious flavors in between, do share one over-encompassing similarity. The same similarity as any relationship type shares- including but not limited to: platonic friendship, business world professional, teacher and pupil, familial, etc.
Relationships, and in our contexts-BDSM dynamics- cannot be given the “methodology treatment.” Because of their ever changing, growing, mercurial status, dynamics are inherently not equations that have specific inputs and outputs. Granted, certain approaches can have relatively easily guessed outcomes (e.g. making only meat dishes for your vegan partner will most likely cause mealtime angst and anger). But overall, these complex and deep interpersonal connections are not “plug and chug.”
What works for you and your lovely partner, will not work for me and mine. and vice versa. Over time, there may be things one can figured out to allow things to run smoothly, but that method to obtain relational bliss should not be assumed to work for everyone and every relationship.
Apprach each relationship as it should be: unique and special. Even if that is strictly for one night; or even less, one scene. Come at it all fresh, and willing to be just as able to adapt as the dynamic, relationship, power exchange, partnership, property agreement, ownership contract, etc. itself is.
By all means, apply your pre-contrived methods to things you do in each dynamic as a way of testing what will work, but do not apply a method to having the dynamic to begin with and assume everything will be coming up roses- or if it’s your fancy, rosy ass cheeks.
The Overly Semantic Spanker